She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
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