Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
Randomize
