Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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