My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Don't forget your talking to the guy who got arrested for throwing beads back at the Mardi Gras floats. You can't deny that's a first, and neither could that cop.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
