Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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