In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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