i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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