you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
Randomize
