Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
