I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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