a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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