The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
His nipple licking is glorious
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