just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
