6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
