I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Randomize
