He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
