God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Randomize
