I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
I FOUND THE LEGS
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
My boss is paying me to come clean his house in a maid outfit and told me not to tell anyone....this is shady as fuck but I need the money
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