dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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