Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
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