Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
organizing the empties. That sober.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Im playing lifeguard in my own bathroom. How's ur night?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
