Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
normal stoners make pot brownies. gay stoners make pot chocolate covered cherries on a cinnamon graham cracker crust which by the way are very effective.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
I feel like hell. The amount of black beans I found in my hair tells me I hit rock bottom
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Randomize
