your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
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