I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
We need to rekindle our bromance
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
