Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
