Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Randomize
