Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
