If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
