my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
