apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
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