It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
