Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
IT ISN'T. I'M A LITTLE HIGH.
YOU'RE ALWAYS A LITTLE HIGH.
NO. IT'S RARE THAT I'M A LITTLE HIGH. I'M ALWAYS HIGH AS FUCK. THERE'S A DIFFERENCE.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
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