So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Randomize
