Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
