I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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