I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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