If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
do herpes really smell.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
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