I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I'll hold a taco with my boobs for you
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
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