No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
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