She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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