his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
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