So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
Randomize
