Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
