Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
