"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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