Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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