they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
