I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
