dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
