There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
even my farts smell like vagina
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I am getting off work an hour early just to watch you drink. Never let it be said that I don't love you.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
