do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
