Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
