He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
