im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
