In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
