So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
He is an equal opportunity slut.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
Randomize
